So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
