After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
