You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
