I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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