Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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