He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
