so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
