I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
