I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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