ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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