At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
