More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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