I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
