Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
