apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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