I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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