I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
