apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
