i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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