i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
