I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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