never play flip cup with pint glasses
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
