He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
