Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
