Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
