Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
