last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
