don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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