Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
