You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
honey bunches of taint.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
