Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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