It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
