I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Even my vagina gasped.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
