Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
