He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
