3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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