dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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