Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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