I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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