so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Threesome in a minivan. New low
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
