Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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