Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
