she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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