I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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