Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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