Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
