if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
