The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
