Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
