So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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